After enduring the unwanted spotlight and publicity of the Channelview, Texas cheerleading ordeal, I tried to move on with my life. I graduated college, married, started my teaching career, bought a home and even started my own family. I wanted my own family so badly because I was "going to do it right." I'm smiling and shaking my head side to side as I'm typing this because I was actually doing it all wrong!
When the "Pom Pom Mom"/Texas Cheerleading Scandal occurred, I was never able to process it because it was never discussed. My whole family just moved forward, almost like it hadn't happened, and yet it soooo did happen.
When you stuff trauma down like that, which I am finding that many people do, you can't heal. Whether you go to a counselor, friend, family, or self-coach yourself like I did, you have to allow yourself to go through all of the emotions, good and bad, and process it. It takes time and can be very uncomfortable when you're processing your trauma, but it has to be done in order to get to that place of acceptance and peace which allows you to heal.
So why was I doing it all wrong? Well, I never processed anything until I was in my 30s, years after the event. By not allowing myself to process, by just moving forward and pushing down that humiliating time in my life, I lost myself. I was no longer the same person I had been before the event. I thought I had things under control, but how could I have things under control when I didn't know myself, had lost my self-esteem, and was so angry without even realizing how angry I was?!
That anger manifested itself into me becoming a very negative individual. Curiously enough, I didn't even realize I had become so negative. It wasn't until a friend said to me that they wished they had a dollar for every time I said something negative because they would be rich! Yeah . . . I looked at her like, what??? I truly did not see how negative I had become and that was a real game changer for me.
By this time I had already gone through a divorce, (of course I didn't choose the right partner, how could I have when I didn't even know myself when I got married) and my kids were moving closer to their teenage years. I was not only putting them through trauma (which I never wanted for them) by getting divorced, but if I was really as negative as I was told I was, I didn't want my kids to think that was okay. I wanted to be the best version of myself for them, and that is where my self-coaching came into play.
My goal is to help others who have lost themselves, for whatever reason that may be - usually caused by some kind of trauma - to begin a journey of healing. The reason my first course is called Know Yourself is because if you have lost yourself, the first step is finding yourself, and that is what the course helps you to navigate.
The second course is called How to Feel Better: Owning Your Thoughts and Feelings because I had to train by brain to think differently in order to get out of my negativity. When I mastered owing my thoughts and feelings, it was a game changer! I felt like I had figured out the secret to the universe!
I am not a therapist, doctor, or counselor. I am just a person who went through some really bad things, handled those things in the wrong way, and caused myself a lot of unnecessary grief and precious wasted time. I did go to counselors and they helped, but at the time I didn't have the money or the extra time to invest in counseling. I chose to read books, listen to podcasts, watch videos, and I self-coached myself to the place I'm at today, which is such a better place!
Do I still struggle with anxiety, depression, and negativity? Yes! Things will never be perfect in my life or yours, but those negative feelings I struggled with no longer consume me. If they are consuming you, please take a moment and try out my courses so that you can smile more and worry less too.
Love you guys! Thanks for reading.
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